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Where am I going? What do I want to do? How do I do the next thing? What is next? Consciously or subconsciously, we are always asking these questions or seeking answers to them. Seeking directions on what to do net or the net phase of our lives, is one of the few things that someone at 90 and someone at 16 have in common. Sometimes, we pull from the advice and lives of others, orders, and suggestions from family members, and/or the results of choices other people have made. Regardless of the answers we think we’ve reached, our action or inaction is dictated, either by our fear and how wide or narrow our comfort zone is and whether we are at a place to leap without looking.
Finding my Way
I seriously deliberated on these questions when I was almost 15 and I drew up a list of things I want to accomplish by the time I am. Here I am, a few months away from bidding farewell to 30, and I find myself furiously asking the same questions and so far not coming up with any answers. I am looking back at the past 15 years and my old list to see where I’ve been, what I haven’t done, why I have done or not done them and trying to figure out where I want to go next if I am who I wanted to be or well on my way.
The achievements of the past few years – were they really what I wanted to do or what I was passionate about? Am I the woman I have always wanted to be or has the experiences of the past 15 years changed my lenses a bit. If I am the woman I thought I’d be, is this the path I want to continue on? If I am not, why am I not and how do I get there?
Seeking Directions: What does God Say?
A lot of my questioning have been in the form of midnight dialogues with myself, tear-filled prayers and long conversations with the people who know me best. However, this afternoon, I realized that in my search for guidance and direction, I failed to check in with someone I should have checked in with first – God. What does he say about where I need to be next?
I did some research and I came across so many bible verses about guidance, but two captured my attention. The first one is this:
I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you. Do not be as the horse or as the mule which have no understanding, Whose trappings include bit and bridle to hold them in check, Otherwise they will not come near to you.
As I understand it, the “bit and bridle” can be fear of uncertainty and a need to look before leaping. I am definitely a looker before leaping kind of person. However, I am learning that if I am to completely follow God, just like Abraham did, I will need to leap without looking or questioning. Questioning and hesitating before following God’s lead crowds out his words and his directions. God does not always speak explicitly. Sometimes, he uses other people and certain situations to lead and direct. However, if there is uncertainty, hesitation or fear, it is difficult to know when God is leading, because all the questions are crowding out his voice. This realization lead to me passage #2:
“Teach me, and I will be silent; And show me how I have erred.
I am learning to be silent before God, even as I ask him to teach and lead. Silence means that when he teaches, I do not want to hear my own voice or fears or even outside voices that I sometimes allow to filter in.
SETTLEMENT
I still haven’t found answers – yet, but now I am not asking in frustration and fear. I’ve got a source that is guaranteed to get me going and that in and of itself is a step in the right direction.
I will bless the LORD who has counseled me; Indeed, my mind instructs me in the night. I have set the LORD continually before me; Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
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This post is such a blessing. I also ask for guidance everyday and I pray that His will will be done in my life. I also pray that He accelerates me to my destiny and that He takes away the spirit of Delay and stagnation in my life.
He will take away delay and move you where you need to be. One thing I have learned in my walk with God – what he says he will do, that is EXACTLY what he will do. What he has promised us in his word, is what our lot will be. Hang in there and don’t give up ?